if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize