If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
