there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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