So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
