yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize