so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
