You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
