Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
