He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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