Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
