it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
