just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
