Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
