Having a random hookup so left but love u
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
