I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
