I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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