I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
