can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
