ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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