i was born a porn star she said
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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