I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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