Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
