I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
