I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
then he tried to convert me to islam
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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