I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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