I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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