If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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