I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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