Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
