he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
