chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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