I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
