just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize