I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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