I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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