do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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