i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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