I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
