I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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