It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
