So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
