we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
