and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
