i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
