Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
