Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
