I cannot find my penis.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
