i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize