I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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