Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
