I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You ruined the universe
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
