there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
