I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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