And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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