I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
