First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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