he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
