Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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