I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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