She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
