That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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