so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
