My liver just broke up with me...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
